By now, all the “resolutioners” have probably had it with the gym. Here’s where I come in. I have spent all of January planning to plan to get fit. What does that mean? Planning the individual steps that will set my six-pack in motion. Here are the steps I have been taking to make all of this almost happen.*
Step 1: Figure out where the fitness will be taking place.
This decision was solidified when I found out that the fees I paid in college earned me a sweet membership deal at the new campus gym. Turns out, the years I attended are considered primo qualification years for us now aptly named Pre-paid Alumni. This means that I get 36 months of membership at $16/month. Now I’m no gym rat, but I’m pretty sure that is a really good deal. That’s $576 for 3 years. I once heard my co-worker say that she paid $800 AT ONE VISIT for a five-year membership to a fancy “Sport” gym, soooooo… I never thought I’d say this but,
this is just one of the perks of being an alum of Sacramento State University! I’m never going to say that without making a face.
So this cool new gym they built after I graduated is pretty awesome. It has a ton cool things that you wish you had at home, like a rock-climbing wall. It also has a pretty extensive group fitness class schedule. I’ve got my eye on Zumba only because I want to ~have fun while getting fit~! But really, all the classes pique my interest. Especially the one that has nothing to do with fitness and everything to do with avoiding rape: Self Defense. Lord knows that is a constant fear living in the back of my mind.
Step 2: Figure out what needs to change.
I’m really going to have someone else do this for me. At this cool gym, they have all these assessments you can take to determine your overall health and fitness level. I imagine this is much like what lab rats are forced to endure. But yes, I will pay for one of their Kinesiology majors to check out how much I can’t do and tell me what I need to do to look like Adriana Lima. I need to be told what exercises to do and what hippie shakes to make.
What I do know is that I need to stop drinking soda. As much as I love Diet Coke, things have to change. I’m thinking of starting off slow: stopping the HFCS (that’s high fructose corn syrup for you slobs) at home and only drinking soda when I go out. I realize that the $1 any size drink deal from McDonald’s becomes more appealing with this but you have to start somewhere, okay?
Step 3: Buy things!
This is my favorite part. How can you motivate yourself to keep going when you feel ugly? Answer: You can’t. Don’t you want to look cute while you give that elliptical all you’ve got? I can’t guarantee that I’ll be trying my hardest on these machines or whatever, but I can guarantee that I will be lookin’ fly. My thought is this: if I buy the gear, then I have to use it all or else I’ll feel like I’m wasting my money, or my parents’ money.
My parents bought me running shoes this weekend on the condition that I work out in them. If that isn’t love, then I don’t know what is. They’re these super cute New Balances from Off Broadway Shoes. Pete over at Runblogger says that these shoes are “destined for discount and department stores”. I say that they are “destined for Zumba and walking from your desk to the bathroom”. Considering that the most activity I’ll probably be giving them is a hardcore dance workout, I think I’ll be fine. Plus, they’ve got seafoam accents!
You can find these at Kohl’s and JC Penney, according to my quick google search.
Aerie Straight Slim Gyms come with the cutest fold-over waistbands!
And what better to go with cute pants? A CUTE BRA. If you don’t already try to match your bra and panties, then I feel sorry for you. Everyone should put forth the effort to look cute underneath in the slight chance that you get into an accident and a hot fireman has to cut your clothes off. I heard this happens all the time at the gym. Shut up, you don’t know.
Aerie Padded Low Impact Sports Bra–totes part of their ‘40% off bras’ sale going on right now!
Now there is no way I’m going to be wearing this combo and this combo alone, with nothing else. I have to stay decent for all the scholars trying to get in a workout in Uggs and Juicy pants. But at least I will know that I match. Other things you will need: a hoodie to sweat in, hairties, a water bottle, a towel, and a duffel bag or backpack to carry all this cute crap in. Those you can find at Target, I’m sure. And there are less important things/steps that you have to actually think about like learn what machine does what, watch what you eat, stay away from the McDonald’s drive-thru, etc. but I’m sure that’ll all come with time.
Here’s what I’m hoping will happen: I complete my checklist of work out gear (in various prints/designs), keep wearing the athletic shoes, and finally buy that gym membership, then I actually start going! And meeting with someone who can tell me to stop eating chicken nuggets! And attending Zumba classes after work! And having the body of that Asian model American Eagle & Victoria’s Secret like to use so much! And really, just feeling all-around better about myself and actually giving a shit about my well-being (and not feeling so fat every time the girl I sit next to at work changes into her gym clothes at the end of the day before leaving while I gather my leftover fries**).
*Note: These tips are coming from a professional. If you consider someone who lays in bed on a memory foam mattress topper watching NBC Thursday Night comedy, a professional.
**Just kidding. There are never any leftover fries. What do you think I am, wasteful?